This is Eva-chan….. staying up all night and morning….Stressed out.
But my brain won’t fail to think philosophically.

Is there  stairs that pave to the highest aim in life?
If we aim for higher and higher, are we being greedy?
I have always wondered myself.

After one step, I aimed so high for my next step.
After Bachelors, I didn;t know what I really liked.
I love writing…. and Love Asian studies., love literature
I took Asian studies because I want to gain general knowledge and be able to communicate intellectually without always standing in my world of fantasies.
If i selected a different forking path, do you think my life will be different?
I actually was going to apply to University of Bath to take on literature…..but i changed my mind.
I was also to go to Lancaster, but I changed my plans too… I never believed in destiny, but something did not make me satisfied with those decisions.

I love literature and love writing, but i don;t think I would be able to discuss it as well as I could discuss about issues in Asian Studies. I found my passion, in researching to seek for a certain truth, to write and to share my knowledge to others. I even like serious discussions…. I really love to listen to what people think… is this the person who I was?

I was pretty much anti-social, but now, I want to listen to people and think , analyse about them. My analysis does not only based on how Romeo and Juilet’s love is being an infatuation, or a true love, but how Romeo and Juilet would not have commit suicide if the society did not set such expectations and hatred , loving an enemy brings you to this end. If they didn;t commit suicide, I bet their love will be forbidden. They will be chained into their rooms…. Because this is what two families find it as a taboo. Love can be dangerous. Love is not always everyone wants. It can be wicked….and it can create enemies too.

So how do I apply this Romeo and Juilet to the Asian context. Look around?
The Asian family USUALLY wants their kids to marry a person who can marry into the whole chains of relatives. To get along and to be appreciated and accepted by relatives, parents, siblings, grandparents…Pretty much, there are several star-crossed, forbidden lovers like those in Asia, but if you look it to a mature thought, would you want to marry some one who you only love….but your own family might actually dislike you or maybe disown you for it?

First of all the Asian family works this way. You do not leave your home at 18. You stay with them, they pay your living fees, your school and uni fees and everything.

You may question “Are they marrying your lover, or you are marrying your lover?”

Honestly, it is hard to say. Your emotions for the person deepens, while the people around you rejects.
I have no position to say what I would choose, because I have not been in that situation yet!!!
But then If I first choose a person, I must consider them to be Mr. Perfect. If not I won;t fall in love! This is what I told myself. Someone like Sakurai-san or Tegoshi-kun would be awesome… But it is like 3 percent of the world. I, myself, would say I am unique.

I love intellectual conversations, I love talking about entertainment and do some monomane, and also chat about fun stuff. But I WOULD like to know people’s opinion on things too! My personality changes too, I like to be pampered but I also like to spoil people. Pretty much I like someone who shares these same values as me. Able to communicate and to understand me is the best point ever!

So back to my main topic. Is this path I have chosen, the best of all?
I have a passion to do a PhD. I really do, but to i have to ability to?
Tegoshi-kun, I have an aim in life…. and this is my next goal, do you think I am overpowering you?
Well, honestly, I won’t speak of superiority though. I will learn to be humble like Sakurai-san!
Sakurai-san might be happy that someone who likes him is going to aim this high ne?
I have a feeling I always want to communicate with Sho-chan.

I will write another fan letter to him soon. FUTARI de!

angelofdevotion deshita!

You know one always have an ideal type in mind.
Is the Ideal type……..always the person you find and love????
My ideal type must more or less be similar to me! Shares my interests and values….

Here I go.

1) My Ideal guy need to have a degree from a prestige uni, and has pretty good grades.

2) He needs to be able to discuss in intellectual conversations on current events, politics, philosophy and also have his opinions on certain large topics (life, love, humanity, equality, human rights), and also be able to discuss in entertainment issues and TV. Too much politics is too boring, and too much TV is too nonsensical.

3) It will be great if he is romantic, so we can have romanticist’s battles… I am a self-proclaim romanticist, I do need someone to challenge me and be my rival!

4) Someone who speaks more than their native language. I speak four. I am fluent in two, could communicate in one bascially, and another language in the process of learning.

5) Could sing, dance and loves Karaoke. I would love my dates to have loads of karaoke!

6) Is fashionable. I cannot stand being with a guy without any sense of fashion. I rather be a lesbian. (in fact, i am so close to being one. I still have doubts if I am into androgynous people. Both feminine boys and masculine girls..)

7) Give me my space too! I don’t have to spend the whole day sticking myself to one person. I have my life so well, I write, I draw and I create meaning to my life. I don’t want to dedicate my entire life for just one person.

8 ) Likes to read my poems, blog, novels… whatever. I would love the person who inspires me to read my writings!!!

9) is creative. He doesn’t always need to give me surprises, but then I think being creative and having a sense of humour will brighten up my days.

10 ) Doesn’t prevent me from fangirling and being a fujoshi.

11) We spoil one another. I like to be pampered to… and sometimes.. I would like to be spoiled. But not too often!

12) Take me to amusement parks! and we can have a “who is a scaredy cat” competition in the haunted house!

13) Is a quick thinker and help me to make decisions too.. I can make my own, but I will need some consult.

14) Must be an Asian.

15) Treat me as an equal! we have things that we can be more superior than one another. I might suck at soccer, and maths. But i am good in literature, writing and….social studies. So don’t step over me and put me as a housewife! I didnt get a goddamn degree and aim to a PhD to be a housewife!

This are just the 15 qualities I want from him!
Actually… It is much more of a crossover between Sakurai sho and Tegoshi Yuya.

Sho-chan has all the qualities apart from him being romantic……but he is Mr. Perfect for me…….
Tegoshi is my ideal boyfriend, who has a bit of a immature behaviour, but he is smart too.. He just gotta not be too superior in front of me. Cause i am just like you Tegoshi, I am competitive but I do not bitch. I respect everyone’s talents!

Eva’s Mr. Perfect Sakurai Sho (Ideal guy= husband) To me…. I don’t consider him as an idol…
I consider him as…. someone who I will settle down with…. Someone like him…

Eva’s Ideal boyfriend…. someone who I worship… Someone who can inspire me…
Romantic…..Likes to spoil and be spoiled… This is the kind of guy my knees will go weak for…
Godly like…. and since he is intelligent and fashionable… That is too great!

I just have to wait for 3 years before I could really say if the Ideal Boyfriend will be my Ideal Guy like Sho-chan!

angelofdevotion deshita!

Since I will be leaving Sydney for Bangkok, Thailand this Sunday, My life is not easy at all….
I am so tired and my arms are aching so much!
It’s so hard to repack and pack again……
And since I am such a princess at home,
You can imagine how hard it is for me.

But even if I were to think on the bright side it is beneficial for me in the future…. somehow…..

。。私の心わ。。なに私おもいます。。。誰知らない。本当につかれた。。

神さま。。たすけて