I went out on a date with my darling Praew today.
We had loads of fun, and had loads and loads of conversations….
One of the best topics we share was her experiences of people she met, those people who i haven’t yet met.
It was fun talking to my Praew.
It was even better when we get to the conversation of…..why good girls like us does not have a bf.

Being intellectual, civilized, educated, from a good family, multilingual, independent, individualistic, sweet, and actually, we are looking alright, yet it is just so damn sad, that we are just single…

Is it because, we are just too good, therefore, the guys dare not approach?
Well.. well…..I wonder how long I am gonna be single…….
Look, why do these types of girls are ones who are single, while those who are kinda, you know, less clever, less educated, from a not so great family, could speak only one language and snake snake fish fish english, had tons and tons of boyfriends???

Maybe it is because women like me and my Praew are too good. And too good stuff are hard to get. For instance, not everyone can get a Louis Vuitton bag. We are just like LV bags. Too good and close to perfection, we are not those 199 baht bags!

That is one advice I would give to myself! hoho!

I am being too ego-boost again hehehe

How I wish i had a time machine which would turn me back in time, in a time where i treasure most.

High School.

I would say, my high school life is not all exciting, but then, it is the time when i have the least responsibility to do, and then, I got the best perception of friends……..and became the “loner” or the one hopeless romantic poet who never got a proper group. It was grade 8 when I had a group, but as they grew, I stayed behind…..suffering from a peter pan syndrome of hating to grow up. I stayed with friends who knew me best, or who shares some similarities, but to say, I was not attached to a group at all….only individuals.

And in high school, there are crushes. Of course, there are people i admire too…..and I really like the sweet, pure, innocent feeling of liking someone back in high school. Everything was really pure for me, and it’s like Shakespeare’s muses have come and inspired me. Liking someone is a good feeling, but being with someone is another. Liking someone, there are no strings attached, you just prefer one person more than others….or are my views of secret admirers in high school are still very immature?

Some people who grew up fast, they are in a different base. I haven’t actually play in any kind of game, apart from being the fangirl. haha

Anyway, what is the real reason that I am feeling so much like my high schooler self these days.
Because I really hate the mature, adult world.
I don’t like the “liking” of someone because of advantages, not because of their personalities and similarities they share.

I understand that once a person grows up and even at the age of mine (22 years) should be ready to cast my fantasies of secret admirers and high  school ideal crushes away….be ready to face the world where there would no more be cheering for the handsome jocks at the side of the basketball court, no more asking to solve maths problems from the cute nerd, no more laughing with the hilarious class clown, and no more of the closest guy friend who knows your darkest secrets, but likely you hardly have any feelings for him, because he is more like your sidekick.

But above all, i often fantasize about going back to high school.
What if i participate in more sport clubs so maybe i can get more sociable then i am today? Maybe I can even get that cute jock (I mean athletes) to know my name (there is not one that i am interested in, though in High school , My ideal boyfriend would be someone like Zac Efron from High School Musical..  Unfortunately, in RIS, i don’t think they exists) でも。。。今。。。わたしはあいました。。。おそいな。。。

What if I try to use my intellectuals a little to communicate with the cute preppie boy who has a great future ahead? Well, there are some…. but then, to think, in high school, i am so damn freaky…. so emo, so artistic, and so SADAKO.

I am at the worst, incurable level of the peter pan syndrome.

DUDE.. i am already 22 and i should stop acting like 17.

I have already passed Masters, so I need to fix my mind on studies………
No more day-dreaming about those cliche boys anymore !!!!

Why should females always be the gender which has the disadvantages of everything?

Could anyone answer that question for me?

You know, one of my professors once said, Men sleep with sluts but marry the  good woman. But then honestly, why should good women be the one who got to be with men who sleep with sluts? Or are there no men who are decent?

I think my radical thoughts are shifting a gear in me.
I don;t give a damn if women wants to degrade herself, cause that’s her body.
But the reputation of women as a whole would also be destroyed since people sometimes to differentiate and discriminate one from another.

One women does not represent the whole of other women. One bad apple should not make the whole tree of apple rot….And I am not gonna forgive the person who stain their dirt on me, when I have never ever had a stain on my skin.

There has been some issues dealing with “modern women”, and “women these days.”
Modern women are those who are educated, intellectual, and has an individuality to be independent. This is what I call a modern woman. They do not slut themselves and in relationship, they are in a position in which they made themselves be respected, not objectify themselves into toys for the boys. I belong to this type of category.

“women these days”, are different. Those people totally follow their hearts, and their “sexual” desires, wanting to do whatever they want to do, for example, having several guys …..sleeping around, and not being a good mother figure. You know these people can sleep around, but in the end of the day, people gonna firstly have a bad impression of you even before they met you, because your reputation has been soiled with dirt, and even if you are such an angel and has such a good personality,  people for sure, gonna judge you from the reputation you have.No matter how good the guy is, one day, they will definitely pick on your past mistakes. Because you can;t change the fact that you once was a person who was soiled with dirt, and even washing it, there are still stains left behind.

So before you ever have your reputation stained, think well. Do not let emotions take you to the level where you would be disrespected.

My reputation has NEVER been stained, cause I was raised in a great family who teaches me to be a modern women. This is why I think a girl like me deserves a man who is equally as good. hahaa Or maybe… a woman who is just an independent thinker like me.

I guess I prefer the second option.
If I don;t have a guy, at least, I have places where guys can be around me. For instance, a host club.

いま、day 1 はおわった！わたしのしけんわとてもよかったよ！

８７．７でも、わたしのtotal grades は、９２％！すてきですね！

今、二週間くらいやすみから、わたしはちょっとひまで。

きょう、わたしはジムへいった、つかれたよ。

ジムはたのしかった。

まだ、日本語がじょうずじゃない、それに、わたしのいけんときもちいはかくことができません。

だれがすき。。。。おしえないよ。毎日。。。。あいたい、あいたい、、、あいたい。。。。

さあ。。。手越はあの人よりすきだよ。

じつは、あの人は日本語ができませんから。。。わたしはにほんごを書いた。。わたしのかぞくはにほんごもうできません、そして、なにもわたしはかく、かぞくたちは、ぜんぜんわかりません。これで、わたしのいちばんひみつですよ！

どうして、このトピクは、ひみつですか？

かんたんだ。。。もしわたしはおもしろい人はあった、あの人といいきもちいがある。そして、すきだった。。。

わたしの「すき」と「恋」はおなじじゃないよ。わたしのともだちはすくないよ。そして、わたしのともだちはとてもすきです。でも、あのひとはちょっともうすき。今、恋じゃない。とてもすきだけ。。。。でも。。。。このことばははなさない。

I should practice my Japanese to a level where I can express my feeling like a poem, just like i did with english……..My punk season is coming……….But i think spring would soon to come! years of autumn poems……..I need to shift a little…..

Stay tune to the Spring Poem Collections to come!

Fighting for what we believe in, standing for what we think is right, and living for the truth that we believe in….

all of these are freedom of expression, speech and the expression of individuality.

And at times, when we stand there in the spotlight, we have to be the nail that gets hit down. A japanese proverb once said that the “nail that stick out gets hammered down”. I think this is the problem that exists not only in Japan, but also in Thailand and any other places in this world.

Those who are at least a bit better that the average human being, that person are being pulled down by others, because it is either the fear of inferiory of avaerage people who fear power over them, or, there cannot be pride in the collective society, therefore, once should be stepping down to be just like others

I just hope one day, in society where i stand, people would be able to accept the individuality i have. That is why i stick to the least number of friends, have only really close friends and feel insecure when going out in big groups. Because in big groups,  would still stick to the few friends who i was managed to get them to accept my strange personality that my other close friends accepts.

You may think, why on earth, am I writing this? I have a problem struggling with myself. Do I need to blend in the society, or be myself who I am super proud of? What should I need to do now? I was managed to blend into the collective state with the people in my Masters class, because we have something in common. That is why we choose this subject, and stand in the same stage of learning, so I do not need to overturn my WHOLE personality just to fit in. Changing a bit of this and that would be okay, but the problem is, I need to change the whole of my self. I know these are bad qualities…… but I’ll list it.

1) Perfectionist (when doing my work that involves my grades and advantages)

2) Straightforwardness (when I don’t like something, or like something.  tell them to their face. Because i don’t like to keep it to myself that I am not happy with what they are doing, i want them to know so we would be able to understand one another better/

3) highly competitive (Like you know, I struggle to always be the first and stuff….. and gets upset if I do not live up to my own expectations)

4) incapable of relaxing ( I often think there would be no clam after the storm at all!! After this.. there would be other incidents for me to be relaxed)

5) This is the result i got…..

“

By all means… I am a perfect Type A person.

Not That i love to be one… its hard to change.

It must have been a stormy year for me.
After one storm comes along, and another appears.
Hard to even catch my breathe in those dark seasons!
How would I wish I could at least have a little break from all these stormy seasons and settle down to rest for a while.
I am feeling more human each day, experiencing the dreadful human world which I always tried to escape from.
I need to go to karaoke as soon as my final ends.
“Character is when no one is looking”
That is what how I wanted to become for just a single moment. For my individuality will eventually wiped out if i stay with others longer.
I need a space of my own…..to find my true character that I missed so much

Apparently, the project work was kinda alright……. apart  the various parts in which that person forgets some of the lines, keywords helped him a bit, but its alright…. i think…

Now, its my time on stage! well… its just that I need to keep fit with my japanese knowledge!

Next week is the last week, so no more annoying team mates ever again!

Final is coming so I will do my best again!

I would be going to the gym on Wednesday again,  and on Friday, and the for SAT and SUN Review Craze of Japanese!!!!

haha

今夜、つきはとてもきれいです。おおきくて、きろい、ちょっとこわいけど。。。わたしがすきです。

最近、いろいろなものがある。今、わたしのあたまがいたいよ。

わたし、一人だけ、たくさん人の間。たいへん。。

もしも、わたしは猫になります、わたしはぜったい。。。きっとうれしいよ。

人の世界はわたしはすきじゃない。

友達はいいけど、一人。。いいえ、ふたり男はだいきらいよ。

あのイギリスひと、はなすとき、いつもthink that women are inferior to men. and women have to accept what men like to. For example, if the men went to those massage slut houses, women should be able to accept because there is no feeling given to those sluts. ARE YOU MAD! LOOK, I rather want my guy to be gay then to go ahead at those massage places! My “future” guy of course would always, be so high up there that won;t even take a look at those underclass homo sapiens.  This kind of guy should only die. I wish in this world, I can eliminate all these people. If they can go to whore houses, why can;t I go to host clubs? haha, look out, I am a feminist and if the guy tries to challenge his authority of just being a man over me, I am going to teach me a good lesson.

The other dude, which I am lazy to wrte in Japanese. is in my group and is pulling me down to depts of hell..

He is soooooooo un-intelligent, that he could not even recite his script, and gets all whining because he himself is too stupid to recite stuff! I wish he could embarass himself in front of everyone!!!!That will be heaven.

You may see, How much I struggle in Thailand, meeting these kind of people, meeting these kind of uneducated, self-righteous people who thinks that they are so good when they are actually fucking dumb, stupid and dares to argue with a person like me who did almost all the crap for him.

I struggle alot in Thailand. I don;t have to in my JAL days. nor my Australian days. Do you know why, because the people i meet in JAL and Sydney are educated. When they do things incorrectly, they work it out straight and does not argue. I dont CARE what education he has, but he is so low. Even that English dude. those people, those guys that I came across brings me a step closer to be a lesbian.

It is because those guys exists, pretty girls are becoming lesbians. Even the smart ones are singled out.

You know, Tegoshi, maybe the reason I like you, is because, you are not so much like a guy.

Really.

You know, when you go to classes that requires “lectures”, you need to take down notes as quickly as you can. And there are times when you missed out one or two words or info from the professor. Well. it is fine.

You could ask the person next to you for some info, and sharing lectures will eventually give you and the friend a chance to… get the info right, moreover, you get the details for the exam. This is what  I call, sharing info, helping…..

But then, if you are a bit, or more intelligent than others, you are a good listener and note taker, beware. Someone is gonna take advantage of you. And no way, you are gonna get the other details, because they depend the lecture notes you took, when they are at the back, daydreaming what to eat after class.

1) First of all, you know, you are a good note taker. and then the people flock to you. you dont even know their names. they come and ask you so politely. “can i borrow your notes?”you know it is coming.

2) you just gave them your notes anyway. and you know what is gonna happen next.

3) you went down the copy center, and you notice. tens and tens of your sweat-pressuring-hard lecture notes have been circulated. and then you even didn;t know the person who got it… since they got it from the person who got it, from the person who got it, to the power of five and to the person who firstly ask you.Perfect, those people dont even know your face. only your name. and they never thank you, and they never even thought that this helped them alot in their exams.

4) then for the next three years you are back to uni, now, you still see your lecture notes being passed around. You should actually get money for the lectures and the intellectual property that you have written.

How to avoid them?

1) write backwards. A very very beloved friend of mine did these techique, and it worked. It worked for me too, it avoided for a while back it is hard to write backwards while listening. Get some practice. No one would wanna read it, since it takes too much time.

2) write in another language. If you are bilingual, and u can write in another language, then do it. It limits the people getting ur notes. if you are not, then, too bad. you cannot use this advice.or maybe learn LOTR alphabet symbols. It works.

3) draw pics! yes. when the professor is taking about mono lisa and the unequal background landscape at the back……. draw a sucky pic and point to areas, writing in super messy script. But you gotta be sure you need to understand what you are writing.

4) record the lecture, and write it at home. keep lectures notes at home, so no one could see it.

5) Do not take lectures.

6) once the class ends. RUN. Don;t talk to anyone. Go home, and keep your lectures safe.

7) write the opposite of what the lectures are. Like, Beethoven was not deaf, Mozart was. And you know this is actualy INCORRECT. so it makes them know that your notes sucks. they will never get them again.

Now I have given 7 awesome ways.

But honestly, people who take good notes are just intelligent and fast.

those who NEVER take them, and only borrows from others are the opposite.

so…..I would be  glad that my notes might still be circulating after so many years.

awesome.

In this torturing world, there are so many kinds of people who seems really really un-understandable.

I had this group project in which I, and the other girl completed the whole script.

No problem. The other weakest student in the class, was in my group. And you know what at least if you know that you are no good in doing anything, you should just READ alittle. But it came unread. And so I told him straightforward that he should at least put some effort and read and he was pissed.

Look, any educated person or a person of high intelligence and responsibility should understand that they are the one who is in the wrong of not doing GROUP work. I have been to several groups, and when i tell them to put effort in, they do. Because they know that without me, they would not have their grades, but this dude who isn;t as intelligent and educated as I am, got so pissed off,

Because I told him straight forwardly. He even say that he didn;t want to work, he wanted to change teams, and that is being so fucking immature. Any immature person would understand, and if they have no time, tell me right to my face that they are really busy. What he did is pull such a drama scene… “I want to change groups, I dont want to be in this team. “

Oh crap. I just can;t stop releasing this anger in me without using swearing words! I am so so so so mad. But as I am being raised in such a great family, and being educated overseas for half of my great life, I am straightforward, to the point and I tell people when they are in my group and does not make an effort. Heaven’s sake. the trouble went on and on, and then this really nice lady who always supports on the right side, she asked the sensei for help. Yeah and then he said, why don;t talk to him before we consult a sensei? and he was so dead serious then he wanted to change groups. He is certainly trying to turn the tables.He made the lady so mad too..

This type of people. short tempered, very very uncivilized, IS IMMATURE. but the things is, he said everyone is immature. Oh my my my, if i was a knight back in Shakespearean time, I would have slay him good. But since i say, I am educated, I kept t inside. The final thing got cleared, but yet you know, I HATE to work with people like that. I gave it all for the group work, and i am not being selfish. the person who is being selfish is the one who does not put an effort in a GROUP project. Maybe he doesn;t know what Group project is like…… Maybe he needs a freaking dictionary to figure out what “group” actually means. God God… another 20 or so more days, and he will disappear from my sight. No more group projects anymore… And I am now an adult, I dont want to show off my anti towards him when it is destined for him to be in my group. I am truthfully…… tired of this species of people.

So then, I have never ever been in a group where this type of incident happen.

I am so tired of all those shit.

Can Jason come and help me with getting rid of this kind of people?
Friday the 13th exists this month too..
I will wait for you, Jason. Come and destroy those species of ignorant human beings.