Fighting for what we believe in, standing for what we think is right, and living for the truth that we believe in….

all of these are freedom of expression, speech and the expression of individuality.

And at times, when we stand there in the spotlight, we have to be the nail that gets hit down. A japanese proverb once said that the “nail that stick out gets hammered down”. I think this is the problem that exists not only in Japan, but also in Thailand and any other places in this world.

Those who are at least a bit better that the average human being, that person are being pulled down by others, because it is either the fear of inferiory of avaerage people who fear power over them, or, there cannot be pride in the collective society, therefore, once should be stepping down to be just like others

I just hope one day, in society where i stand, people would be able to accept the individuality i have. That is why i stick to the least number of friends, have only really close friends and feel insecure when going out in big groups. Because in big groups,  would still stick to the few friends who i was managed to get them to accept my strange personality that my other close friends accepts.

You may think, why on earth, am I writing this? I have a problem struggling with myself. Do I need to blend in the society, or be myself who I am super proud of? What should I need to do now? I was managed to blend into the collective state with the people in my Masters class, because we have something in common. That is why we choose this subject, and stand in the same stage of learning, so I do not need to overturn my WHOLE personality just to fit in. Changing a bit of this and that would be okay, but the problem is, I need to change the whole of my self. I know these are bad qualities…… but I’ll list it.

1) Perfectionist (when doing my work that involves my grades and advantages)

2) Straightforwardness (when I don’t like something, or like something.  tell them to their face. Because i don’t like to keep it to myself that I am not happy with what they are doing, i want them to know so we would be able to understand one another better/

3) highly competitive (Like you know, I struggle to always be the first and stuff….. and gets upset if I do not live up to my own expectations)

4) incapable of relaxing ( I often think there would be no clam after the storm at all!! After this.. there would be other incidents for me to be relaxed)

5) This is the result i got…..

“

By all means… I am a perfect Type A person.

Not That i love to be one… its hard to change.

It must have been a stormy year for me.
After one storm comes along, and another appears.
Hard to even catch my breathe in those dark seasons!
How would I wish I could at least have a little break from all these stormy seasons and settle down to rest for a while.
I am feeling more human each day, experiencing the dreadful human world which I always tried to escape from.
I need to go to karaoke as soon as my final ends.
“Character is when no one is looking”
That is what how I wanted to become for just a single moment. For my individuality will eventually wiped out if i stay with others longer.
I need a space of my own…..to find my true character that I missed so much