I really think sometimes, I need to detach myself from everything that is pulling me down.
One of those, is that I won’t have to care so much about my grades and just think, I have done my best, and I am gonna do what it takes by not pushing myself too far.

And for everything that will eventually stop me from reaching my determinations and plans I have planned 5 years ahead, I will learn to detach from them too. My emotions of failures, lack of inspirations, sadness, and everything in this world, i have one thing to live for, that is to live life to the fullest, and make every moment happy for me.

I wanna get this book… called Socrates in Love. I think it might be a good book for me to read after my exams. Maybe one day,  I am gonna reach my enlightenment…

I am back for another post! I will be really busy for the next two following weeks, so I might not be able to update as much as I did. But then, nothing really makes a difference whether I write or not. Not many people are reading it, nor people are interested in what i write… and my voice never reaches to the people, person, human, individual, and they, he or she would never hear me out. That is pretty sad, because writing does not only works in one direction…..I need some response, just like playing tennis, the ball moves between the players from two sides of the court. What I lack is someone who is willing to play this game with me.

Anyway, I have accounted on “forking paths” “different roads” destiny and stuff about how choices that we made, gave us a different outcome. But as for this poem, I would write, I would daresay, My course of love never run smooth. I did not mean romantic love cause i was never in one, and my love is more like a celebrity crush….or maybe..
.

Just that it happens to me a countless of times. I almost get to meet Tegoshi, but then I flew off to Sydney, I almost attend Jay Chou’s concert, but I am in Thailand, and I almost met Zac Efron, but I was only 3 kms away from him in Sydney. There are a countless times which love just won;t cross my path. Sad right? Well, this is life. I might have hurt people in my past lives, so in this one, I got to pay the debts. (I never believed in past lives, I was just blaming myself so I won;t blame anyone else)

whatsoever, here I go……(There is no Spring Collection of poems like i used to promised)

On Different Roads

I choose a different road, I made a different choice,
I could not tell what the future holds for me,
But all i wish is that you would hear my voice,
Then just for once, deep in my soul you may see….

What do I need to commit to make paths meet?
What deeds I do need to make, for you to walk this way…
For now that I am walking on this one-way street,
With a hope for one day, beside me, you gonna stay

Countless, I have wondered where you are
Under my sky, I could not feel your presence
For your world is unreachable, as far as the star,
Many have staged the show, when I still remain as an audience.

Ambitious, I may be, filled with dreams to achieve
Independent, I perhaps am, walking all alone on this path
But incomplete, deep inside, please still let me believe…
That somehow, you still stay, somewhere…..underneath…

____________________

My poems are rather ambiguous because I like it to appear that way. No matter how you analyze it, the naked truth is what is deep in within. And of course, unless you have the key to unlock what is inside me, then you know the truth. And that truth cannot be written in words.

Each individual is being an individual and has their own unique personality.

I took this application test on facebook and they came out with this

You were born on 28th of November 1986.

:: Actor.
:: Talented to entertain people.
:: Loving and generous.
:: With their natural attraction, they have no problems to befriend with anybody.
:: Have a lots of personality that make others hard to understand them.
:: Like a chameleon, they manage to suits themselves with environment.
:: Lucky, but they suffer cause they depend mostly in luck and mood.

First of all, I am not an actor, though I like to entertain people with my jokes, imitations and dances….I am loving, and i don;t think I am generous enough. I DO have problems befriending people..I have loads of personality….but who doesn;t…….I don’t manage myself well in society…. cause I am the nail that sticks out……..I know I am not lucky… so don;t try to assume that all November 28th babies are born this way.

On thing that is certain that all November 28th babies will share a commonality..

We are not gonna be immortal.

I am in a mood for poetry again…….It s not like a perfect Poetry… but then more to a ballad…….without the melody

Word to replace Goodbye

As we both stood on the platform,
Silence are our last words.
I could feel the same tenderness from your eyes
Soon, there would be a new wind we both have to face.

Alone, I don’t know if I would get used to it
Even though I had walked in the past alone…
Without the bright smiles that gave me hope
I would try to make it through this time…

The seasons that you have grown up with,|
Are worlds apart from mine.
The pain you face, the sad songs I sang,
Are walking on parallel paths,
As for this time, if we face a different wind
I will be searching for a word to replace Goodbye.

I try to come clean and reveal it all,
But I find it hard to hold back my tears..
Would there ever be a day our tracks will cross?
Til’ that day, I would still give you the same smile

Alone, we got to walk our own way,
No matter how far, I have traveled,
You would still be my light,
And I know, I can make it though the wind

The world you have seen and lived in,
Are worlds apart from mine
The tears you shed, the sad songs I sang,
Are not connected by a red thread,
As for this time, if we won’t cross the same path,
I am still searching for a word to replace Goodbye

The new strong wind, that brings
All my smiles, tears, laughs and pain
I know I made it through because I am living with a hope
To reach out for the very best,
As for this time, when we walked our own ways….
I will still be searching for a word to replace Goodbye
_________________________________________

I am always leaving people behind…..like going somewhere to study……

So I guess this can explains it all..

Today I went to the Japanese Embassy and got my documents screened…..But i am still worried about my GPA…..cause it is impossible to get Australian grades converted. But it is just up to people’s choices. えらぶかどうか。。。まだわからない。。。。

I have been thinking too much of the choices we can make.
My palm might say I am gonna live a long and prosperous life….or gonna live in a foreign country…maybe marry a foreign man…..and have a good career…..well, that cannot be perfect. Perfection cannot be mine, like I used to say.

But if they say I am gonna have a LONG LIFE. what if one day, i choose to jump and let the BTS train hit me, ending my life? Will that make me choose my own destiny?
If I say I want to go to study overseas….and if I never apply to any uni, would I actually get to go over there?
If I say I wanna get into a relationship, and if I only choose to stay at home, never to let anyone in, and stay in my fantasy of a one true love, would I actually have someone??
It is a matter of choice and a matter of how you led your destiny to.
Destiny is not created, but it is a choice that you can make it happen.
God is there not to choose it for you, but you are here in this earth, in this human world, to make decisions for yourself.

Life is a forking path, each way you choose, leads you to a different outcome. In high school,friends are all in this together…..but once you graduate, each person walks on their own path of life. Some paths are parallel, and shall never met, some paths meet along the way, and disappear again. Some paths disappear from the sight, and their existence might be gone for good.

People you meet, you might walk on the same path….. but later, they chose their own way. Just like married couples…..they are in the commitment together, but sometimes, they might choose to walk their own way……

Choices are within your power. You might think destiny has written it all for you, but you should know, that there is nothing certain in life. Whether destiny sets for you or not, you should be sure of one thing…that is certain in life….

You cannot escape from DEATH.

A new look for my blog!!!! yipee!!!!!

You know, this is such such such a feminine layout, and You readers might think I am in love…….No, I am not. I just like the colour because I am depressed right now, and this is part of my self psychotherapy….. Start having bright colours around. It will make and pull me back on track. So I repeat. I am not in love. Apart from idolizing Tegoshi and having a big big big crush on Zac Efron, wanting to marry Sakurai Sho, while I fantasize about a date with Jensen Ackles….. Yeah… that kind of celebrity crushes/love….not actual love.

Okay, I am gonna show you that this blog, which looks so feminine and seems like someone who is kinda air-head would choose it, I can make it look intellectual. Damn…I am siding my egoist self again.

Okay. Back to philosophical questions.

This time my topic would be on Death Penalty.

First of all, I would like to say, taking someone’s life is unethical and immoral. No matter how you put it, it is still immoral, even for self-defense, for personal revenge, for whatsoever reasons, taking another person’s life is immoral.

Under some legal system which had been abolished in several countries, death penalty is illegal and should not be practiced on criminals and murderers. However, it is still shocking to know that developed nations like USA and Japan, highly supports death penalty. This leads to the question. Is Death Penalty, moral itself?

The answer is in this. If everyone is doing something wrong, and you are doing it too, does not make you right, or does not make that action right. I believe that death penalty is necessary evil, just like the government. It is immoral, yet it should be practiced because I live by a code. “To gain something, you have to sacrifice something of an equivalent value”. And if one man decides to end another person’s life, he should also pay with HIS life. Even if it appears to contradicts with the moral issue, i still strongly say, a life for a life.

Here i stand, in a country that dearly needs death penalty. The reason is that the authorities are able to hide away from murder, and they are not being punished for it. There is hardly any justice left, and look here, They are not just taking one life. They are putting a wound in the lives of those who are still living.

Imprisonment, takes the freedom of this jerks away. Locked up in the cell, what could be better than to put them to death? Those people who had commit their crime should be prepared for any consequences they have to face. They need to face responsibility in what they have done, even if it would mean, the people around them would be hurt.This is the truth of life. You will eventually earn something from something you have done.

Back to Death Penalty, if people say, no one has the right to take the criminals’ life away, then I will ask, what rights do they have, to be able to take the life of another away? If it is self defense, it is a different story, yet you are still being immoral for performing that act.

This is a debate that could be view in some many different ways, but i stand closer to the point where I say, death penalty is indeed immoral and unethical, but it is necessary and it is evil. Because death is something a majority of people fear, and this serves as a great reinforcement for others to think before they act. Or those who act before they think.

Good night.

After sometime, I have finally thought it over…..
That I am gonna live the way life is leading me to.
Gonna accept what is in front of me,
Gonna leave whatever that makes me down,
For that I know, at least this time,  defeat cannot be mine.

I gonna pick up my wings of freedom and fly,
To never put it all to my hopes,
To live in a reality that never fails to upset me,
Even if I watch my dreams from afar,
For that I know, at least for today, the day isn’t mine..

I placed my brush on the canvas,
Letting all my emotions flow through art…
And once I am done with that piece,
I shall bury it six feet under….
For that I know, at least for this moment, tears cannot be mine.

I have fantasize of Romeo, right up to Lancelot,
To all the heroes  whose love remains as words..
Never would they appear to be real,
Or even never i would ever encounter one
For that I know, at least in this lifetime, the road of love cannot be mine.

And through all success and happiness….
Through all laughter and joys,
There will be a darkness inside…
That always pull us to the other side…
For that I know, at least for this person(me), sorrow will not be mine..

And for all that know, I know only one thing…
No matter how far I try to escape from tears,
Or how far I run to chase my dreams,
Or how much I seek for the road of love,
For I only know, that in this lifetime,
Perfection…… can never be mine.

_________________

Indifference to everything……place no attachment on anything….. do not hope with all your heart….cause it might turn around to hurt you more…

There will be nothing once you cross over to the other side, there will be nothing, and your existence would be questioned. An empty shell buried down below……..no memories…..no existence…..everything… ends up to nothingness….

Robert Frost once wrote The Road not Taken, and It has slways be one of the greatest poem I have ever read.

“

“

I believe that everyone has passed through this event. What if you made a choice, a different choice that you first made, and that changes your life? Life is a forking path. Whatever you choose to do, or choose not to, turns your path of life into a different direction. If I chose to take the step my heart wanted, I may end up quite a different story…..If only I choose to stay for grade 12 and not skipped a grade, my life might likely to be a bit different.

I watched :17 again ” and I find it really really interesting. Because of Zac Efron, yes, boy, he is just so adorable. And he looked way more mature that he was back last year when I almost, attend his fan meeting in Sydney. Anyway, the idea of going back to change the past is interesting, but if you ask me, I won;t. I might change only one thing though, that is to choose the right people. Can;t say much about this category here, but if I were with people who can actually accept me and not criticize on what i say, or tease me on what i choose to do, i would rather be much friendlier.

If I had the chance, I would do one important thing. To actually JOIN A SPORT TEAM. Since I have always have a thing for basketball boys, I want to at least, be in a sport team to be a bit…..happier and enjoy life a bit better.

And for the high school love life, I think I am better off without having one. I am better off now. If I had one, who knows, my life might not be lookinh through rosy glasses……..and darn…….I miss my shakespearean moments……i want to go back to the world when I still take the blue pill…..

Whatsoever……my philosophy insight for today.

Gonna dream of Zac Efron tonight….

Still in love with Tegoshi, but then I have no time to get myself involve with the fandom…

JAPANESE is already taking half of my time per day.

no complains……….just a few nags….

I totally, disappeared from the face of the earth. It is my longest, perhaps my longest hiatus I ever had, just because I am so busy with studies and furthermore, I was nearly hospitalized (not really. I was exaggerating) because of the evil cough, fever and cold….

And I was bombared by tests and quizzes, and i gained some weight after not having a trainer and not having massive training, and not having enough time to burn the fat off my body. God. I am going under a secondary diet, so I will lose that 0.4 kgs I gain over the week! I am nearly freaked out by this!!

At least, I was much less stressed than I was back before the midterm exam. I am currently reading a very good book of philosophy which I think would help me think better and look at different views from theories.

I would sum up all my philosophical quest next time i log in to write.