In just two days, I gotta take the English Exam to Monbusho. I am not sure how well I am gonna do, but I will try my best……

Right now, I have to devote myself entirely to Japanese. I want to ace it as much as I could, *dakerudake* gonna be the best I can choose to be.

I went to borrow some books form Japan foundation, and i find it quite useful for my references in my future researches. Honestly, I draw myself into a cave filled wth books for the reason that I do not want my heart to lead my head. My head is more important in getting what I need for the future, not what I want for the future.

Now that I have nearly turned myself into a nerd-gothic girl, I have thought once again, about my life in Sydney which I did an experiment in being a hikikomori …….. I think those people should be respected for being independent. Some of them have awesome ideas and educate themselves with books…..and internet……

I feel so tired of living in this world….at this moment, I can close one more door……so I am not gonna hurt anymore. Yes….like someone notorious once said, “Don;t think, feel” I am gonna do the exact opposite. “Don’t feel….think” for in exams and tests, you cannot FEEL that this is the right answer……..you have to think of what is right, what path you think takes you and give you the best advantages, and what you think you do, will make you feel good……

well…..I get my hopes up and watch them fall each time, so right now, hoping nothing is the best thing for me. If I get the scholarship or not, I dont; wanna hope anymore…Being so hopeless…..I won;t drive myself to hurt myself though…

Good Night for now……….sleep tight, eva-chan, for tmr, its just another day….you get closer to Death. *smile*