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Life’s a walking shadow….

The journal entry has nothing to do with William Shakespeare’s quote….

It has might not meant anything to anyone……..or no one probably cares what is inside…no one cares probably cares to read it…..or even to hear how much my heart had to suffer hearing things i hope i wouldn’t hear.

I don;t know who to consult, whose shoulder i could lean on and cry out my pain.
How long have it been that this is troubling me? Should i shut myself in the world of my own….being hopeless and imagine that life is perfect?
I hated to be this way. I hated to be in a position in which whatever i do, or what i decide will be considered as a silly, a stupid, a mistake that i make again.

I probably should be by myself…. do things at my own space and pace,
do whatever i wanted and make the correct decision for myself.. since when i did something under someone’s order, i probably screw up and have to hear those painful words attacking me.
Especially from the person who i love most.
It hurts me so much.. I can;t talk to anyone about it…..I can;t make anyone understand my situation….

I wish someday i could just sleep forever……
i am hopeless anyway….. so what if i have honours? or get a JAL scholarship…. or studied masters in such a prestige uni? that doesnt make me make mistakes less…..that doesn;t make me a better person in the eyes of the person i love most. I am still the same old stupid me, who sits in front of the computer…downloading things i wanted to watch….being useless and stuff. and would never fulfill the dream i wanted,
i had to do things i did not want or expect to do, making everyone believe i like it….

Can a person really choose how they wanna live their lives??? or can a person only travel on the path that are destined for them?


About angelofdevotion

Born in Thailand, raised in Singapore, came back to Thailand during my teens and lived there since. English is more of my native language, and I teach it for a living!


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