This is my second entry for the day.
How happy. I managed to squeeze out my inspiration abit when they have all been dried up by my busy days.
Honestly, I just hope my world involves a few people……so there would be less troubles.
As for love… I wonder If i would ever will eventually have one!
But i guess not so soon. I don;t want anything to be the barrier for me to reach my goals.
Since my weakest point is to fully get involve with people, i think i should create boundaries to distance myself from others. Because I had to get hurt when I had to see them away. I may sound selfish, but this is the only way for me to be strong…….and to be mentally, psychologically stable!
My life back in Thailand just does not make me feel intellectual (OMG…..) like i was when i had the space and freedom to think for myself. That was my happiest moment because I do not need to be influenced by any, but my self and I think I kinda understand why hikikomoris prefer to stay inside and develop their own intellectual without getting in touch with the outside world.
The outside world is knda alright, but i just don;t like to make myself suffer by losing my individuality. I used to say how collective i was back in the Master classes. That is because I am in a society where the people are somewhat like me, and they are just as great in accepting my opinions and my individuality. This is why I am able to walk into that world and slowly try to blend myself to the collective.
However, the reason I only want to open my world to ONLY a few people is because I don’t wanna be influence, I dont want to be this little twig that leans to the stronger trees….. I want to stand strong on my own, no matter how opinionated i am, or how confident I am of myself, I shall be in the place where I should be respected. Might sound a bit stubborn, but i love the individuality I have, and I had to change it.
I dont want to be someone I don;t know…..
So I shall say, I am stand strong and shall not give away my individuality.